Here we go

I am actually going to book tickets for the kids and I in the next couple of days. I'm having some mixed emotions. One the one hand I am SO ready to move on, be with Matt, be with my family and put this behind us!

But on the other hand, this creates a sense of finality I have yet to allow myself to embrace. I looked around my beautiful house tonight and felt sad in my heart. I will have a house again, probably not like this one but a house is just a house and without Matt here it isn't enough. As cheesy as it sounds I want a home and a home only comes when we are all together. Although having Vaughn tell me he doesn't want to leave this house because he likes it so much isn't helping my resolve!

I have lived in Edmonton for I think 12 years now give or take a month or two and for the most part they have been some of the very best years of my life. Edmonton has been good to me and I will miss it here. This is where Matt and I started our life, where our first two babies were born and I will miss my friends, my church, my job, I will even sometimes miss the weather (shocking I know). I don't do well with new things or change and this is a big one. I feel like hyperventilating when I click on the Westjet website. If the house were sold I think it would be easier because I would know when I'm going to have a place to call my own again. For now my Mom's house will be home and I am so very very grateful to her for letting us stay. Looking back I'm not sure if I actually asked her if we could come or if I just assumed it would be ok. Sorry Mom, hope it's ok because it's too late to back out now :)

I anticipate a lot more tears in the next 3 weeks. Which is saying a lot considering I cried because the grocery store was out of something the other day. But there is treasure waiting for me at the end of it all. Matt and I will be in the same province again and eventually in the same house. Our kids will enjoy some love from grandparents, aunts and uncles and have one less anticipated change coming. My newest baby girl is getting closer and closer to making her appearance and I am getting very excited to meet her and this move gets me closer to her.

I'm a mixed bag of emotions right now and it is probably safer for everyone that you not ask me how I'm handling everything because I will most likely start blubbering even if I'm feeling the best I've ever felt in my life.

So, Edmonton, here is my first, oh my goodness I'm actually leaving for real good bye post . . . feel free to skip reading the many more that I'm sure to are to come (I find writing these to be a good way to clear my head before bed, sorry if I bore those of you that read them).