I can't believe that I'm actually in countdown mode now. I have 3 Sunday's left and that is just weird. I don't know that I'm excited to be honest there are things I'm excited for but there are so many unknowns that it's hard to know what to feel. I didn't know it was possible to feel such polar opposite emotions equally at the same time!
I can't wait to see Matt again. I miss him so much, the kids miss him so much. I just miss normal everyday being a family. I miss feeling settled. So, I will be glad when we are in the same province again and can start to build our lives together. I am looking forward to seeing my family and getting a few weeks of Ontario summer!! Seeing family in BC will also be a nice treat on our way to Ontario.
It seems though that the things I'm struggling with seem to be outweighing the good things right now. Here are a few of the things that are causing stress in my life as the countdown gets closer (these are in no particular order):
- My house isn't even close to being sold
- I haven't figured out how to load my car onto the moving truck
- I don't know exactly what day the moving truck is coming which is causing the following issues: when do I book tickets for, who is going to help me load the truck, what if I get stuck here for 2 days without anything
- I haven't started packing yet
- I don't know where I'm going to be living when the baby is born so I don't know where to plan for this baby to be born
- Not knowing where home is going to be and not feeling settled
- Getting medical records, dr.'s referral's and all the other odds and ends
- Matt has steady work being self employed but I don't have a job and his doesn't have long term security and we are increasing our family by one
- getting a vehicle that will allow 3 car seats across
- Matt is missing our last pregnancy
- Saying good bye to my life here in Edmonton
- Constantly wondering if we are making a mistake . . .
Just to name a few small things :)
It will work out, everything will be fine, someday I'll look back and laugh. But today, today I worry and stress and wonder if God really is working out all the details like I keep telling myself He is. I keep telling myself I'm going to stop writing these negative blogs but sometimes this feels like the easiest way to get it out.
Everything will work out because it has no choice, I just need to make it to the finish line. If our house would sell I think all the other details would seem less daunting . . . so Jesus please, please bring the right person along to buy our house.
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2 comments:
first off, you are not being negative. You are being honest!!! Honesty isnt a bad thing, and having an outlet like your blog to share your most inner feelings is not a bad thing. i admire your honesty and rawness. Maybe you are making a choice to move across the country when it would have been fine to stay here as well, but neither is a poor choice. Neither is something that God would shut down. Unless He gives you a clear yes or no, I believe that either are ok. You yourself have to be ok with your choice and the consequences that go along with that, positive or negative. Everything works for the good of those who Love Him. We may not always understand what "good" is, but He does, and will work it all out for His glory!
Trust, and obey God, but also trust yourself! Im praying for you!
I'm with Ash. You need to change the title to another honest one. No apologies. Transition is hard. It's hard when your family is together and even harder when your family is apart. It brings a whole set of other challenges into the mix. It's ok to mourn what you are losing and fear what is ahead. But we know One whom is able to sort out all the details that we have no idea how to sort out.
I remember leaving the city and being so sad at losing my dear friends and the many things I loved. Moving to the middle of no where was just that! I was so lost for a while. Not sure of anything. Now I can't imagine having to leave this place. Things have changed and our world has been rocked once again. Yet lately God has been gently whispering to me about how constant He is. Life keeps changing and with that comes challenge and instability. God is teaching me to be stable in Him in ways that never made sense to me before. So I pray that God will not only work out all the details but that your heart will find rest and stability.
You are amazing and so inspiring!
Much love,
Heath
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