Big Change

There has been something stiring in our hearts for awhile and it's taken a long time for us to figure out what to do about it. That stiring has been regarding a very big move, a move to Ontario.

As most of you know I was born and raised in Ontario and only left when I came to Edmonton 11 years ago to go to school. When I moved here I never intended to stay, I actually meant to leave from here to the mission field and only return to Canada on small breaks every year. But life happens and takes shapes that you never would have believed.

Matt and I have been in Edmonton our entire married life, my first two babies were born here and I feel like this is where I took my first adult steps. My Mom, Tracy, Pastor Del and Arlene and I came out here together September 1999 to begin this journey and I find myself struggling with moving on. I am ready to be closer to family, I am for sure ready for better weather but my heart is fully entrenched here. We love our church, we love our friends and I love my job but something is missing. For me it's that my kids aren't growing up geographically close to any grandparents. My grandparents were such an amazing and important part of my growing up that I feel like my kids are being robbed of something truly precious. I know that close relationships can exist where distance exists but I want more.

I guess that is what it comes down to, I want more. Maybe I'm being selfish and asking for more on top of the already wonderful life the Lord has given us here in Edmonton but I believe that He has more for us.

So we begin this terrifying journey of ripping up roots and resettling. The most scary part is that Matt is leaving in 2 days to head to Ontario without a job. He has some contract work he can do and job interviews lined up for next week but we have no job and no means to pay our mortgage on May 1st. That terrifies me more than the logistical details of moving my life across country. I am trying to walk in faith and believe that if the Lord's hand is truly in this as we believe it is He knows our needs down to the last cent and we will be fine . . . for me this is much easier said than done.

We have tried for Matt to look for work while living here and even flew him out once to look for jobs but it's been really hard. In the back of our minds has been this nagging thought that maybe the Lord is just calling us to go. So, we are giving it a try. It is entirely possible that we will fall flat on our noses and end up back in Edmonton never really having left but we are attempting a step of faith . . .

I'm fighting back tears as I type and as I told a friend this morning I am psychologically removing myself from the idea of leaving here until the date is set and my bags are packed because I choose not to be an emotional wreck for the next months while we live in limbo . . . here we are back to living in the in between . . . if the Lord is trying to teach me something I hope I figure it out soon so I can stop learning this lesson :)


And in the words of the cheesy song that used to play on the tv while I was growing up

A place to stand
A place to grow
Ontari, ari, ari, o
Yours to discover!