I find that have adjusted to being on my own with the kids. Yes there are days when an extra hand would be nice and I'm sure they would like a break from me when I get a little crazy. But all in all we are managing. I watched my Mom raise my sister and I and so I know that I have it in me. It's interesting how quickly this has become my new normal. I'm sure if I didn't have such supportive friends and family I might not be feeling this way but I do. I know that in terms of doing it alone we will survive this. I think that Matt has the worse end of this situation because he is missing the kids and all the amazing, funny, frustrating and cute things they do on a daily basis. I am actually a little more nervous of getting my control freak ways under control when we are all together again as a family and letting Matt back in. We'll figure it out, he might just need to be a bit patient with me, it's my way or no way around here and it might take me a few days to adjust :)
The other side is not so good. I am done. I am done with not knowing, with waiting, with stressing over all the financial aspects of this move. I'm done with trying to have faith that it is all in God's hands. I say that I'm done but I hope you understand this is just an emotional rant, I am not truly done. I pray with the kids every night that Daddy will find a job he loves, that our house will sell and that our family will be together again. I know that God sees us and knows every detail and how it will all fall into place. I am trusting Him, but I think I'm allowed to struggle while trusting. There are minutes and even hours and days where I want our old life back, where Matt worked at ATB and life seemed simpler. We have lived in uncertainty for awhile now and it's getting old. But we made this choice and this is what we want for our family and nothing happens without sacrifice. And so I will continue to cry out to God and ask for help and truly believe it is safely in His hands.
I find myself consumed with prayer lately but not just for me, for a former co-workers grandson that is in the hospital struggling with heart problems, for a friend whose is waiting to hear if she is still pregnant, for my family, for so many other things. And that is good, it reminds me that my problems are not so big and it's good not to focus on myself so much.
But just so you know don't be surprised when I give answer number one to people when they asked, I don't like admitting my weaknesses, fancy myself superwoman most days :)
0 comments:
Post a Comment